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No Grey
As a child, I was fascinated with Star Wars. Not only did I watch each episode multiple times, but I even went so far as to read the books which authors pounded out year after year. However, even this voracious reading and watching could not satiate my obsession with the films. So, it was not unusual for me to, after reading a particularly enthralling tale, begin weaving a story of my own making incorporating many of the same characters. Of course, I normally either transported myself or a self-like character into this fantastic world, and, as a matter of course, contrived some way in which I became the hero. Usually it began with myself being discovered to be a force prodigy, and eventually either culminated with my saving the day or fizzled out before I could concoct that part in the story. There is one particular tale which stands out in my memory. Somehow or other, the earth had been discovered by the Galactic Republic. And, through various means (the details now being somewhat fuzzy), I was captured by the forces of evil. It soon became apparent that outside the confining atmosphere of earth (which eliminates the influence of the force), I had an exceptionally deep connection to this mystic field. The enemy then put a choice before me: convert to the dark side, or watch my family, friends, and entire world be systematically destroyed. I remember my character's heroic struggle. She recognized the horror that she would become, yet she also saw the mass destruction which would be a direct result of her refusing to succumb to their demands. Although I never completed the narrative, that choice is still fresh in my mind. At the time, I remember thinking that, despite the evil I would become, it might be better to turn to the dark side and spare those billions of lives. But then, I remember adding to my story that if I turned, I was so powerful that I would most likely cause even more destruction than if my planet was obliterated. Thus, I evaded the real choice before me which I didn't really recognize until now. And that choice is, is it ever right to do wrong? It is a question I have been struggling a lot with lately. I can find no Biblical basis to say that it can ever be right to do wrong. The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that whenever a Christian knowingly chooses to do something wrong (lie, cheat, steal, etc.), he is trusting in himself instead of God. For instance, let's say a Christian man is a beggar on the street. No, let's go further and say he also has a family who is starving whom he must provide for. He has been trying all day to beg or get miscellaneous jobs so that he can feed himself and them. But, no one has helped him today. In fact, no one has helped him all week, and they haven't had a meal in two days. He knows if doesn't get food soon, they will die. He is walking along the road, at the end of his rope, and he is passing by the mansion of the richest man in the town. He has repeatedly gone there asking for leftover scraps, a job, money, anything. And he has repeatedly been scorned and abused. As he is walking along, he sees a delivery man in the alley between this man's mansion and the next house. The delivery man goes inside, leaving behind him an unattended pile of open crates of apples. No one is around. The beggar knows that neither the owner of the mansion nor the delivery man will have compassion for he has already tried everything else. Is it wrong for him to go and take one apple for each member of his family? Is it wrong for him to steal from these men who have an over-abundance and who are deliberately scorning God's instructions to care for the poor. He has been abused and ridiculed by these men. They don't deserve what they have, and they won't even notice if a few apples are missing. So, he takes the apples. Ahh! Even as I write this, I struggle within myself. But, I am convinced that this is wrong and that he shouldn't do it. After all, when he does this, he is essentially saying, "God, I know You have told me not to do this, but the situation I am in right now leaves me no alternative. I will not survive if I do not steal these apples unless You perform a miracle, but You may not do that. I have an opportunity to save myself right now, so I'm going to do it, even though stealing is wrong." He is trusting in himself instead of God. How does he know that God has not orchestrated this whole situation so that he will be forced to trust God? How does he know that if he does not take those apples, when he returns home he won't find a miracle awaiting him? The problem is, sometimes God doesn't work miracles. Sometimes someone will starve to death. I am inclined to believe that if this man did not steal the apples, and his whole family starved as a result, that that means it was God's will. That sounds so harsh. How could it ever be God's will to have a whole family starve because a man would not break His laws? Couldn't it be that God gave him that whole opportunity as his miracle? Couldn't God have worked it so that the man would walk down that particular street at that particular time when all that happened just so that he could have a meal? No. No! God wouldn't ever endorse someone to break His laws! Would He? No. Unless God specifically comes down and tells you to do something (like when He told the Israelites to obliterate the city of Jericho, including defenseless women and children) which would otherwise seem wrong, I have to believe He wouldn't. God says in 1 Corinthians 10:13, "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it." I cannot disregard this verse. I have read numerous stories, mainly by missionaries, of people who have trusted God, chosen the difficult path of relying on Him to provide for them, and God has indeed saved them. I remember one story by about George Muller, a missionary who founded an orphanage in Bristol. One morning, they had no money for breakfast and no food to give the children. But, he sat them all down at the tables just like he did every morning and prayed, thanking the Lord for the meal they were about to receive. No sooner had he finished this prayer, then a baker knocked at his door to donate enough bread for everyone. There are hundreds of such stories about people who relied on God and whose faith was not misplaced. But, does this mean that God always works this way? Am I willing to take that risk? Am I willing to live like there are no grey areas and take the chance that sometimes God's will is that bad things (even death), happens to good people. When everyone around me is telling me that "in that situation" it's okay to do such and such, is it possible that it really is okay? If I am sheltering Jews during the Holocaust, is it okay for me to lie and say that I don't have any there? Or should I tell the truth and trust that God will protect them? And if He do tell the truth but God doesn't save them, then was I wrong to tell the truth? Should I have lied? Is the preservation of their lives a greater good than telling the truth? I tell lies (little ones, albeit) all the time without even thinking about it. I'm already a sinner. I cannot be perfect. What if that very morning I had lied to someone without even thinking about it, but then, when the soldiers come in and I realize that if I say that I'm not sheltering Jews I'd be lying, I tell the truth, and they die as a result. I'd already lied about something far more trivial that morning. Why not lie to save these people's lives?! I don't know. In a perfect world, I'd say I should always tell the truth no matter what. I'd say I should always trust God and obey His laws no matter what. But what about passages such as Galatians 3 which speaks of Christians no longer being under the law? I know this doesn't mean that it's okay for me to go out and murder and cheat and live however I want. But does it mean that in some circumstances I can do unorthodox things? Jesus "worked" on the Sabbath and did many things which those around Him considered sin. But He never actually transgressed God's laws. He did not break the ten commandments, although He did diverge from the traditional views of how to keep the Sabbath, etc. I think that there is no grey. But in a way, I want there to be grey. I don't want to have to walk across the crosswalk because that's what the rules are even though no one else does. I don't want to have to follow the speed limit and have everyone, including police cars, pass me. But these are all things which are man's laws. I'd be more willing to believe there can be exceptions to those rules. What about God's rules? If I were that beggar man in my previous example, I'd want to steal. I might even steal. Would that be wrong? I wouldn't want it to be. But at this point, I think it is. And that means I can't live that way. That means that I'd have to trust God implicitly. That means that I have to give Him my entire life and say, "If it's Your will that I die because I don't break Your laws, then so be it." Furthermore, that means that I must endure the scorn of others who are late and are enraged by the fact that they're stuck behind the only car on the planet who follows the speed limit. It means that I must endure the loathing of others when I don't go with the crowd or when I tell an authority when someone has done something wrong because I believe that that is what God has called me to do. And, it means that, if I were in the chaplain's place from Theodore Dreiser's American Tragedy from Joseph's example, I would have to tell the truth. I would have to be the chaplain. And that means that even people who I respect could consider me heartless and wrong and evil. Sometimes I wonder that maybe I'm focusing too much on myself. Would it be better for me to lie and thereby condemn myself so that someone else can have another chance? But no, because God says I will never be tempted beyond what I am able. In some ways, I feel like I'm trapped in a box. I feel like I know the truth, but I don't like it. And what's more, I feel as if no one else in the world shares my opinion. Am I being too self-righteous? Am I being too legalistic? I really don't know. But, whether right or wrong, at this point, I am convinced that there is no grey. And because of this, I am trapped into walking across the crosswalk because I feel that I must. Romans 14:23 says, "But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not eat from faith; for whatever is not from faith is sin." Does this mean that if I have faith that something is not sin (like stealing an apple from someone who has an over-abundance and is cruel), it isn't sin if I do it? At this point I don't know. And so, I must conclude, that there are no grey areas.